Why We Are the Common Denominator in Our Relationships

  Do you ever find yourself having the same problems in every relationship? Does it seem that you are attracted to the same kind of people, no matter where you go?


We typically spend most of our time focusing on all the ways others need to change in order to solve our relationship problems, without ever looking to see how we contribute to the negative dynamics in our relationships.


It takes two healthy people to have a healthy relationship, so the greatest gift we can give all of our relationships, if we want them to be different, is to focus on changing ourselves. As we become healthier, our relationships naturally become healthier.


If you’re tired of the status quo, if you’ve given up hoping that things can change, you’re ready to take the next step God has for you. He wants you to experience peace not only with Him, He wants you to experience peace within your own heart and mind. He longs for you to discover your true identity, your beliefs and values as you passionately live out your purpose. Then you will be empowered to experience abundance and peace in your relationships.


Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that highlights why we are the common denominator in our relationships and guides us on our journey toward creating peace within ourselves. Peace does not have to be something out of reach, it doesn’t have to be something just for others, peace is possible for you!


Our relationships will only be as healthy as we are as individuals. Look around you. Does drama seem to follow you? Does everyone seem to want to use you? Do you find yourself being abandoned or rejected in multiple relationships in your life? Are you the one doing the abandoning or rejecting? Are you exhausted in trying to be everything for everyone while never being anything for yourself?

Usually, we are the common denominator in our relationship problems. That is difficult to acknowledge, I know, but if we can accept and digest that truth, we are one step closer to becoming emotionally abundant individuals and developing healthy, peaceful relationships with those we love.

In an earlier chapter, we discussed how life and the negative forces at work around us write on the slate of who we are as children. We all grew up in families that fell somewhere along a continuum of what is defined as normal. We developed certain coping skills to adapt to the family dynamic that surrounded us. Certainly, dysfunction is more severe in some families than in others, but all of us began to assemble in childhood an emotional tool belt that contained the tools we needed to deal with life. We did the best we could. We survived.

However, what began in childhood as a set of tools necessary for our adaptive functioning, or perhaps our very survival, we have carried with us into adulthood even when there is no longer any threat to our physical or emotional well-being. In short, most of the coping skills that worked for us in our childhood no longer work for us in our adult lives and relationships. Those coping skills may become defense mechanisms that can be quite destructive to us in how we relate to ourselves, as well as others.


Though we all develop defense mechanisms in childhood that have impacted our adult lives and relationships, this does not have to be our ultimate destiny. You can experience healing. You can lay down the anger, the defensiveness, the criticism and experience the relationships you’ve always wanted. You can embrace a life of emotional abundance and peace.


In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share simple, practical life steps that can help you discover healing and wholeness within your heart and mind. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!


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